Nice Guys Finish Last

This past Saturday, I attended Stanford's slaughter by SC. Granted, this shouldn't even count because Stanford hasn't won a game all year, and SC has barely won its games this year.

We tailgated with friends [no worries, I brought a Boca patty for myself with decent sides]. But I should have brought more alcohol.

There was an RV behind us that had a flat-screen outside and two more TVs inside. They had a sweet set-up, so Meathead quickly made friends to get some alcohol and watch TV.

There were a couple of decent-looking girls for our friend, Krypto, but he is waaaay too fearful of the 'gina. Meathead even got the perfect excuse for him to talk to one of the girls: she wanted some corn on the cob! AC sprang into action and threw another one on the grill so that Krypto could take it to her, with the little corn holders, too. Alas, he chickened out, and instead, Meathead took it over to her. Then the fugly girls started hanging on Meathead and AC. One was a middle-aged woman with "spackle" [the guys' description, not mine] for makeup.

Alannis sure knows how to do dessert!

Around 3:45, the fuglies started leaving for the game. Spackle walked past Alannis and me, and pulled up her shirt to reveal a pink flask tucked between her jeans and her fat stomach...I almost hurled. Sweet jesus! I should have brought the Southern Comfort to numb the pain of seeing that gut! And in addition to the spackle, she had some 1984 blue eyeliner, and her niece, whom she kept trying to shove on AC and Meathead, had some frosted pink lipstick from 1986, too. Typical SoCal wetty trash...

Once inside, we quickly realized it wasn't a sold-out game and therefore, we could sit in a lower section, closer to the action [or lack thereof]. We sat in the student section, and moved when Meathead and AC saw some candidates for Krypto:

We ended up behind some trashy USC students, one of which was seriously hungover--a perfect candidate for our friend, Krypto.


The only highlight of the game for me, the lone Stanford fan in a sea of red and gold, was the band, which is banned [ha ha] from playing on the field:Yes, that's a keg he's drumming on. And this year, it's a palm tree out there...check out the band leader:


Needless to say, once the "High school football!" chants started, I was sitting about four seats down from everyone, shivering from the cold and the embarassment. Everyone was taunting me and trying to high-5 [I responded with my middle finger]. Final score: 42-0.

After the game, we returned to the car to nibble on leftovers and watch the UCLA-Cal game on the neighbor's flat screen. At least Cal won. Meathead was so elated from the SC win that he didn't realize he sat on the desserts...

Talk about a sweet end.